So much of my life seems to centre around stress lately.
There is work-stress, which is the most predominant. Even when I'm not in the office, I am almost always thinking about it. I have a hard time sleeping because I start to think about what is going on in the office, and my brain whirls and whirls until I'm exhausted but unable to shut down.
There is money-stress, which I brought on myself by being hasty about moving out and by my rampant internet spending.
Then there's the unnamed stress that wells up inside my chest and cuts off my breathing. I worry about Collapsing Colony Disorder and what we will do if all the bees disappear. I worry about developing cancer. I worry that I am going to lose my sight and my teeth will fall out.
Worry, worry, worry.
This morning, as I walked to work, the valley was full of fog. The temperature dropped last night, and all the grasses at the side of the road looked as though they had been dipped in liquid nitrogen and returned to their original spots. I felt like if I were to wander on to the Golf Course, I would be swallowed up in the mist and wouldn't have to deal with all the hoo-ha waiting for me in the office.
I'm almost wishing the week would end now so I could start over again on Monday. Surely things will be easier next week.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Angry Bees
Today, on the whole, was the kind of day I like to refer to as an Angry Bees Day.
When I worked at the Gakuen, we weren't allowed to swear in front of the children - not an unreasonable request, really, but one that sometimes taxed a person's creativity when it came to expressing her true feelings. So we had to come up with words that could not be construed as being bad, but which got the meaning across to those in the know.
My favourite was funny turtles, after a story someone told me about having referred to someone in a very vulgar manner, not realizing there was a child present, and the child agreeing that, yes, so-and-so was a funny turtle. Sean and I used that expression all the time - it was our code for when the other teachers were passive-aggressively acting out against us.
Angry bees, on the other hand, means the kind of day where everything is wrong from the get-go, and every interaction you have with other people makes you want to cry with frustration. Knowing that you are being irrational doesn't help, either - it just makes you madder. I apologized several times over the course of the day to my coworkers, because I was adding to the stress level in the office but I couldn't seem to stop.
The upshot of this angry bees day is that I am staying at the office instead of going home, so that I can get the public packages printed up for the meeting tonight, and I can get some things done now that I am alone.
On the plus side, I was approved for financing, so I will definitely be picking up my truck this weekend ^_^
When I worked at the Gakuen, we weren't allowed to swear in front of the children - not an unreasonable request, really, but one that sometimes taxed a person's creativity when it came to expressing her true feelings. So we had to come up with words that could not be construed as being bad, but which got the meaning across to those in the know.
My favourite was funny turtles, after a story someone told me about having referred to someone in a very vulgar manner, not realizing there was a child present, and the child agreeing that, yes, so-and-so was a funny turtle. Sean and I used that expression all the time - it was our code for when the other teachers were passive-aggressively acting out against us.
Angry bees, on the other hand, means the kind of day where everything is wrong from the get-go, and every interaction you have with other people makes you want to cry with frustration. Knowing that you are being irrational doesn't help, either - it just makes you madder. I apologized several times over the course of the day to my coworkers, because I was adding to the stress level in the office but I couldn't seem to stop.
The upshot of this angry bees day is that I am staying at the office instead of going home, so that I can get the public packages printed up for the meeting tonight, and I can get some things done now that I am alone.
On the plus side, I was approved for financing, so I will definitely be picking up my truck this weekend ^_^
Freak OUT
There is no nice way to say this - I am freaking out. I wish the weekend had not ended, I wish I hadn't come back to find all the emails in my inbox. I wish I had pulled the covers over my head and pretended there was no outside world.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
I slept right on through
Apparently, if I had been paying more attention at 2:00 when I woke up, I might have noticed the Northern Lights dancing overhead. People saw them in Dawson and other spots, maybe they were over Faro.
Then again, maybe the Northern Lights are like the local wildlife - unwilling to show themselves to me because I am not sure about my future here. I did see another fox over the weekend, bringing my grand total to 3 foxes, 1 coyote, and an assortment of chickadees. Wooo!
I am dressed, I am almost functional, I have to start walking to work now.
Then again, maybe the Northern Lights are like the local wildlife - unwilling to show themselves to me because I am not sure about my future here. I did see another fox over the weekend, bringing my grand total to 3 foxes, 1 coyote, and an assortment of chickadees. Wooo!
I am dressed, I am almost functional, I have to start walking to work now.
Monday, April 5, 2010
Nooooo!
I don't want this weekend to be over. I don't want to go in to work early, and I don't want to stay late. Four days off were not enough!
I tried to make icebox cookies this afternoon, but miscalculated how much butter I had left. The result? Crumbs. Chocolate crumbs and vanilla crumbs. Mmmmmm.
On the quilting front, my afternoon was pleasant. Call me boring if you want, but I derived satisfaction from trimming blocks. These are going to be kinda nifty.
Man, I am pretty dull.
I tried to make icebox cookies this afternoon, but miscalculated how much butter I had left. The result? Crumbs. Chocolate crumbs and vanilla crumbs. Mmmmmm.
On the quilting front, my afternoon was pleasant. Call me boring if you want, but I derived satisfaction from trimming blocks. These are going to be kinda nifty.
Man, I am pretty dull.
One is the loneliest number...
Well, my main hang-out crew has departed for Mayo for the week, leaving me blue. I hope they have a great time, though - I will just have to remember how to occupy myself.
I am thinking that a quick round of "Clean House" and some "Spring Decluttering" might be just the ticket. It's amazing how much stuff I have accumulated... particularly when you think of how little storage I have here.
I've also got some new projects on the go, quilt-wise. I haven't bought any new fabric - I'm using mostly scraps from the Rainbow Quilt (and the Mermaid Quilt), a stack of four fat quarters I bought last month when I went to WH with Kara, and a fifth fat quarter that Lucy gave me for looking after Oscar. The projects - baby quilts. I want them to be cute, but I don't want to get emotionally invested in them. Then perhaps I can try selling them.
Because I bought them before the fabric-buying-embargo, I don't need to have any guilt about them. I keep telling myself I am not allowed to buy more fabric until after the Crane & Sheep Festival, but with a new truck and insurance payments to think about, plus the new computer, it's beginning to look more like no fabric until September, which sucks.
On the other hand, the last pieces for the red quilt should be arriving shortly, so I can work on quilting that over the summer months, which should keep me occupied.
Oh dear, I think this is turning into a quilting blog.
To recover - I would like to buy the materials needed to build a coffee table when I go in to WH to pick up my truck. It would be nice to have a table I'm less worried about scratching or setting on fire than the one I am currently borrowing. I'm just concerned I am going to wind up with too much stuff to fit in my hotel room.
Okay, then. Clean House it is!
I am thinking that a quick round of "Clean House" and some "Spring Decluttering" might be just the ticket. It's amazing how much stuff I have accumulated... particularly when you think of how little storage I have here.
I've also got some new projects on the go, quilt-wise. I haven't bought any new fabric - I'm using mostly scraps from the Rainbow Quilt (and the Mermaid Quilt), a stack of four fat quarters I bought last month when I went to WH with Kara, and a fifth fat quarter that Lucy gave me for looking after Oscar. The projects - baby quilts. I want them to be cute, but I don't want to get emotionally invested in them. Then perhaps I can try selling them.
Because I bought them before the fabric-buying-embargo, I don't need to have any guilt about them. I keep telling myself I am not allowed to buy more fabric until after the Crane & Sheep Festival, but with a new truck and insurance payments to think about, plus the new computer, it's beginning to look more like no fabric until September, which sucks.
On the other hand, the last pieces for the red quilt should be arriving shortly, so I can work on quilting that over the summer months, which should keep me occupied.
Oh dear, I think this is turning into a quilting blog.
To recover - I would like to buy the materials needed to build a coffee table when I go in to WH to pick up my truck. It would be nice to have a table I'm less worried about scratching or setting on fire than the one I am currently borrowing. I'm just concerned I am going to wind up with too much stuff to fit in my hotel room.
Okay, then. Clean House it is!
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Busy day
After spending Thursday night in a cooler-fuzzed haze of Ashes to Ashes and a blazing fire, and spending Friday regretting the amount of alcohol consumed Thursday night but still drinking a bunch at Matt and Kara's that night, I woke up early this morning.
We were heading out to Little Salmon Lake, where a lady named Bernice was having a yard sale - I was told her husband passed away, and she has sold their house to a couple from Dawson City, and she was getting rid of a ton of stuff. The Went crew picked me up and we drove 45 minutes out to LSL. The sale officially started at 10, according to the ad in the local paper, but people obviously had been there longer than that.
We poked and puttered around - I really wanted an axe or hatchet, so I could chop up some wood and ensure I have kindling, but alas, there was none. I did pick up a couple of jerry cans which is awesome because I have set the wheels in motion for me to pick up a truck in Whitehorse next weekend.
The real find was in the basement, though - I picked up some power tools - namely a Ryobi starter kit containing a drill, a saw, and some batteries. I threw in a box of drill/screw bits, a ratchet set (an old-time favourite, dating back to my time in Ottawa), and a hammer, and I felt ready to conquer the world. (Or at least ready to build my own coffee table.)
When we got back in to Faro, I called up this girl who has a trailer for sale in town and asked if I could come over and see it at some point. Michel had suggested it as an option, and told me to keep an open mind. I borrowed Matt as my "honourary manfolk," and we went over there after a delicious Easter dinner (thanks, Kara!).
I kept my mind open, but have ultimately decided that I'm going to stick with my original plan of moving back to the hotel for the winter. The trailer would require more work than I have time to put into it, and more money than I have to throw around. There is someone else interested in it, and I am going to call the girl up tomorrow and let her know that she can go ahead and tell him OK. I'm going back to the hotel where I can have my own furniture and the satellite TV is included ^_^
All in all, a very good day.
We were heading out to Little Salmon Lake, where a lady named Bernice was having a yard sale - I was told her husband passed away, and she has sold their house to a couple from Dawson City, and she was getting rid of a ton of stuff. The Went crew picked me up and we drove 45 minutes out to LSL. The sale officially started at 10, according to the ad in the local paper, but people obviously had been there longer than that.
We poked and puttered around - I really wanted an axe or hatchet, so I could chop up some wood and ensure I have kindling, but alas, there was none. I did pick up a couple of jerry cans which is awesome because I have set the wheels in motion for me to pick up a truck in Whitehorse next weekend.
The real find was in the basement, though - I picked up some power tools - namely a Ryobi starter kit containing a drill, a saw, and some batteries. I threw in a box of drill/screw bits, a ratchet set (an old-time favourite, dating back to my time in Ottawa), and a hammer, and I felt ready to conquer the world. (Or at least ready to build my own coffee table.)
When we got back in to Faro, I called up this girl who has a trailer for sale in town and asked if I could come over and see it at some point. Michel had suggested it as an option, and told me to keep an open mind. I borrowed Matt as my "honourary manfolk," and we went over there after a delicious Easter dinner (thanks, Kara!).
I kept my mind open, but have ultimately decided that I'm going to stick with my original plan of moving back to the hotel for the winter. The trailer would require more work than I have time to put into it, and more money than I have to throw around. There is someone else interested in it, and I am going to call the girl up tomorrow and let her know that she can go ahead and tell him OK. I'm going back to the hotel where I can have my own furniture and the satellite TV is included ^_^
All in all, a very good day.
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