Frenzy

I'm heading in to Whitehorse tomorrow. (What!? I can hear you saying. Weren't you just in WH, like, two weeks ago? What's wrong with you?! And, under normal circumstances, you'd be right. But I digress...)

I have to pick up all the food and the remaining supplies for the Canada Day festivities taking place on Friday. I could have done a day trip on Thursday, I guess, but the idea really didn't appeal to me. So, I'm driving in Wednesday, in a calm and leisurely fashion, getting supplies in the morning and food in the afternoon on Thursday before heading back to Faro.

I will also be working a long-overdue massage in there, as well as some highlights. I'm worth it.

This means, though, that I have to do a massive pre-WH cleanup. As I said on Facebook, "what if something happens to me and Crime Scene Investigators/co-workers/friends & family have to come into my house?" Is it significant that my first thought was CSIs?

Anyhoodle, I haven't decided if I'm going to bring the laptop with me, or if this is going to be an internet-free trip. I guess you'll know when I do ^_^

In Which I Am Conflicted

So, I'm trying to pay off my credit card, start saving money for a large purchase, and be more responsible.

But I've just found an online store that not only has the Castle Peeps line in all three colour ways, but also has the 1001 Peeps line in three colourways! What is a fabric-obsessed gal to do?

Small happy things

After a day of frustrations, it was pleasant to come home and finish the Cowboy Quilt. I will be taking photos (or having photos taken, depending), but will not be posting any of them until the quilt is safely in Hezz's hands. It has definitely been an experience ^_^

The other happy thing is that I found my former dance teacher, Yoshie, has a blog for her studio here on Blogger. I can't actually read much of what she has written, being pretty much illiterate in Japanese (particularly after three years back in Canada), but I am glad to see she is doing well.

Well, that's it for me, positive-wise. I have to go break up a fight between my furry children.

Anxiety

I may have mentioned, a time or two, that I have anxiety issues.

In fact, I think a couple of my tags deal specifically with anxiety (hoarding, work, nameless faceless ones) and anxiety-related minutiae (stress, awkwardness, freaking out).

I don't know where my assorted anxieties sprang from, nor when they will strike. Sometimes, they are logical (anything related to the Crane & Sheep Festival, for instance), but most of the time they come out of nowhere and blindside me.

Today was a perfect example. Brittany's family is leaving town, and they were having a get together. It started in the afternoon and carried on into the evening.

I couldn't go.

Every time I thought about putting on a clean shirt and walking over there, I started to panic. I tried breathing exercises. I burned incense. I reminded myself over and over that I am friendly with Brittany and Chris, that Matt and Kara were over there, that I hadn't been invited for the sole purpose of people making fun of me or reading my secret diary* or poking me with hatpins. It just wasn't helping.

Finally, I rallied my strength around 8:00, and started the walk over to their house. With every step, the anxiety grew. When I finally got to their house, I kept walking. I walked into the golf course, into a thicket of trees, and stood there, almost in tears. I stood there for almost ten minutes, just listening to the trees and focusing on breathing.

I did eventually make it into the house. I sat on a chair and listened to the conversations going on around me. I initially turned down the offer of a drink, because I was afraid I would start shaking or knock it over. I think I was there half an hour before I accepted a glass of water. I didn't eat anything (which is a shame, because some of the dessert-type-things looked amazing).

No one poked me with hatpins. My diary remains unread. Maybe they made fun of me after I went home, although I seriously doubt that.

There's a note scrawled on my refrigerator - I wrote it back in 2009, after a conversation I had with my sister Hezz, long before I came here. It says, "I'm always surprised by how quickly a conversation about how I'm not comfortable in social settings can degenerate into, 'Maybe you need to see a psychiatrist.' So quickly!"

I don't know, maybe I do need to see a psychiatrist. Until then, I guess I'll just keep trying to slay the demons on my own.


*Yes, I have a secret diary. No, I'm not telling you what's in it.

It's a good thing I'm not an internet-famous quilter...

I don't get the big deal about Sherbet Pips.

I'm not saying I hate them or anything...but I'm pretty indifferent to them.

I'll go back to working and lurking now.