My eyes are on fire

My eyes are on fire, I have been on an emotional roller coaster all day, and now all I want is a pizza and a bottle of wine.

Who's going to drive me to the liquor store?

Skirt Day!

After four months of being Dress-Pants-McGee, stifling the part of me that isn't happy unless it's in a skirt, this morning I put on a skirt and walked all the way to work. And I felt fabulous.

I can understand that Yukon winters are not conducive to baring one's legs from the knees down (particularly when one is like me, a chump without wheels) and I understand that my girly skirt-wearing ways mean that I may never achieve the status of Real Yukoner, and I find that I am okay with that. I also like to wear aprons when I am cleaning my house and/or doing chores. Ask me about it, and I will write a whole 'nother blog entry about that. But I digress...

Michel gave me stuff to think about last night after the budget meeting (which was not as horrible as I had anticipated), I didn't really sleep that well because I had strange dreams, and I ate waayyyy more Nanaimo bars and Family Digestive cookies than is healthy for a girl who isn't supposed to eat sugar. And that's okay...because the mountains were misty this morning, and the sun painted the tips a lovely shade of pink.

And I am doing my best sexy secretary impression this morning, scuffed shoes and all ^_^

Stop this party-wagon, I am getting off

I am freaking bushed, and it is not even halfway through my day.

I can't wait until this budget meeting is over, so I can get into the rush of business preparing for a council meeting with only two days to get everything done.

But, strangely, I'm actually happier being crazy-busy than I am being only busy-busy.

The Lunch Hour Slump

The day got off to a rollicking start - I was knocking things off my To Do list like I was some kind of sports-player engaging in some kind of sport with great efficiency. (Not so good with the similies today, this gal.)

Then I hit that pre-noon slump, and I couldn't extricate myself. I was slowing down, getting distracted (thinking about the guy who gave the workshop yesterday, wondering what I was going to do with my life), and I couldn't seem to get back on track.

Even now, on my lunch hour, I can't seem to focus on anything. Maybe it's because there are suddenly seven things that I thought other people were doing that I have to do, and it is making me a bit squirrelly - I hate getting caught at the last moment. Especially because they were things I was going to do back in bloody January, but was told that someone else was going to be taking care of them. Yeargh!

But I am formulating plans, even as chaos swirls around me. In September, armed with my bed, couch, and two cats, I am moving back in to the Hotel, where I will stay until next April. I can save my shekels, and review my options. It will be good. Just have to make it until the end of August in the Big House.

I'd best be bracing myself, though. Some people are on their way in to talk to me about the Festival, and I need to be calm, focused, and in control from the get-go.

Stomach woes, and more Thinking Out Loud

I went to Ladies Night Out with Kara last night, and had a really great time...until my stupid crippling stomach problems meant that I had to go home. Which meant that Kara went home too, because she was my ride. Stupid stomach problems. I had too much sugar earlier in the day, I think. But at least there is no more hot chocolate mix in my house.

When I got home, it was Earth Hour - no lights or TV until 9:30. I lit some candles and got a fire going. (Well, going is a misnomer - it started, and then it fizzled, but I kept poking at it for two hours.) And then, in between bouts of stomach-related misery, I did some thinking.

I know, I know. I can hear you now. "Thinking? Oh, Erica, that is never a good idea for you - thinking, late at night, in the dark, with nothing to distract you!"

You're right, of course. I have a hard time shutting my thoughts off if I get started late in the evening. But I tried to make it a useful thinking period - I got out a journal, and wrote down notes and all.

The gist of it is this: I was too hasty in moving out of the Hotel. I wanted a phone, and I wanted the internet, and somehow I got in over my head in renting Hermann's place. My living expenses (not counting food, which would be about the same) have almost tripled. My computer is broken, so I am paying for internet I can't use. At this rate, I am going to be living hand to mouth for the entirety of my life in Faro, and that is not acceptable.

So, I am doing some research into moving back into the Hotel. I don't know if they allow monthly residents in the summer months - I was under the impression I had to be out of there by the end of April, but last night I met a woman who has been living there since January, and it sounded like she and her hubby would be there until June.

I want to know these things:
- can I rent monthly over the summer? If not, when could I start? (I can last the summer if I know I'm going back in, say, September)
- can I bring my own bed and couch in? (I want to sleep on a good bed)
- can I have my cats? (Crazy Bird Lady had her birds and dog, I think I should be allowed to have Rodney and Paku)
- can I get a phone/internet hookup in my room? (Sheila, the lady I met last night, was talking about the internet, but I never had access to any internet while I was there, which makes me super-peeved)

There may have been some other questions, but I can't think of them at the moment.

I'm at a Policy-making workshop all day today, and then the work-week "officially" starts again tomorrow. Busy, busy times.

Back to work

I took yesterday off as a Sick Day - there apparently is no designation for an 'Every time I move my head I want to throw up' Day, which is totally what it was. I haven't had a headache like that in a while - the last one was over Christmas, I think, when I spent a day on the couch at Kara's, not moving except to get water.

Many factors may have contributed to my headache. There's the stress factor at work, with uncertainty around every corner and increasing pressure (probably internal) concerning a certain upcoming Festival that may make or break my career, and then there's the weather, which has been known to wreak havoc on my delicate senses, and then there's the stupid dysbiosis diet I am trying to get myself back onto. Cutting sugar and anything that encourages yeast to grow causes massive imbalances in my system.

Granted, the imbalances are actually my body trying to get back to normal, whatever that is. But it is rough going to get there.

Must eat my lunch now, and go to the post office. Maybe my stuff from Forest City Naturopathic Clinic has arrived - that would be good. Hooray for drops that taste awful, but help keep my tongue pink and healthy!

Tea and Sympathy Introspection

All the tea and tea-tins I ordered from Teaopia arrived yesterday. I spent a lovely evening in front of the fire, putting tea in tins and working on my latest project (the quilt I can't finish because I didn't order enough fabric ^_^). I was taking it easy.

I got a little morosed up on the weekend, I will admit. There was some unpleasantness at the hockey bingo, and I let that lead me into a bit of a funk Sunday night. My computer is not working well, and Internet Guy hadn't emailed me back, and this adventure was looking less fun. All I could think about was how I shouldn't have moved into the house, I should have stayed at the hotel and saved my pennies.

But now it's Tuesday, and things look less bad. I have a hot cup of Pai Mu Tan tea on my desk, Internet Guy did email me, and I am looking at buying a little pickup truck. Tomorrow is Pay Day. I'm remembering how to be sassy. Things are looking up.

In the words of The Clash...

Should I stay or should I go?

I'm not actually thinking about jumping ship, don't fret. But Heather said something yesterday that made me think (because, really, that's exactly what I need, more stuff to overthink) - she said my seeing hardly any wildlife since I got here could be taken as a sign that I'm not really sure if I'm going to stay. It's like I haven't made up my mind yet, and so the North hasn't made its mind up about me, either.

I thought it was more probable that I spend all my day inside the office, and then I go home and spend my evening in the house, but what she said does have some merit.

I might have been a bit hasty coming up here (again, stressing that I am not jumping ship). It was like when I moved to Japan - I got this notion in my head that that was where I had to go, and I went. I didn't think about what it would actually be like, I just closed my eyes and jumped.

I think that my overthinking and my leapwithoutlooking are related. It almost feels like the only way I can make decisions is by jumping, because otherwise I think and think and think until I just can't think anymore...and by then the opportunity has passed.

Yeah.

In other news, I was sassy to someone today, and it felt great! No getting trampled on for this dame.

Excitement at Chateau Erica

Tonight, I may dine on a proper table.

No, I haven't built one in the past day. But I am about to take temporary possession of a loaner table that will enable me to sit down to dine like a grownup, and keep me from smacking my head on the lamp that my landlord and his wife left behind.

That means that I will lose my quilt arranging floor, but it is a small price to pay to have a place to be a person. A person who dines alone, sure, but whatevs ^_^

Dreams

I want to build things.

Specifically, I want to build this thing.

I want to build my own table, so I don't have to eat from the borrowed coffee table I currently use. In fact, once I build a farmhouse table, I would move on to build this, and then follow it up with something like this for the 300lb second-hand TV I was pressured into buying from a well-intentioned acquaintance.

Don't get me wrong, I love having something to watch DVDs on, but that sucker is massive, and I am only one person - I barely managed to get it from the floor to the (borrowed) table it is currently on.

The only things stopping me are a lack of lumber, lack of tools, and a lack of funds. But a girl can dream, can't she?

No, no, no, I don't want another Meeting!

I'd like to be satin-stitching my way around heart-shaped leaf appliques tonight, getting closer and closer to being utterly Spinsterrific^TM. Wouldn't that be sweet?

Alas, I will be taking minutes at a meeting tonight, which is less than Spinsterrific^TM - it doesn't yet have an awesome made-up word to describe it.*

This is the life of non-stop adventure I chose, poppets ^_^


*Although Craptacular^TM comes pretty close.

Back from Whitehorse

I didn't buy a car.

Kara and Kennie talked me down from making any rash decisions, and I have to do up a budget and talk to insurance companies and figure things out.

Tonight, I am at Kara's place, babysitting her sleeping bebes(mostly sleeping, Cavan has woken up a bit) and cursing my stupid Computron IV. It is so retardedly slow now, it takes it fifteen minutes to turn on, and three minutes to open up a browser. It's definitely time to start socking money away for a new one.

Injudicious Phraseology

Okay, I am not useless, that was a poor word choice (prompted by years of low self-esteem that I am constantly at war with). Sometimes I feel extraneous, like a vestigial tail or flipper or tits on a bull, to quote Sean. Sometimes I feel like someone will realize that I'm not really serving a purpose, and will excise me.

This is mostly in relation to work, it should be said. I am feeling pressure right up to my sinus cavities with all the stuff that goes on in the office, and I am not always sure of myself.

But none of that matters today!

Today is Trip to Whitehorse Day (kind of like Rex Manning Day, minus the aging-popstar crawling on a bed with supermodels) and the countdown has been on since I got to work. How many minutes until freedom?

Now, how many projects can I move from the "Oh God I'm Drowning in Projects!" wall to the "High Five!" wall before noon?

Sekrits

My sekrit fear is that people will discover that I am actually kind of useless.

Shhh. Don't tell.

Stupid pants

I was almost late for work this morning because of my pants.

The pants I had chosen to wear today used to be my favourites. I got them at my old mall job, and they were pretty snazzy for old-lady clothing. Subdued charcoal grey, with a very subdued white plaid, they felt good and went with a lot of the shirts I had. When I started losing weight on the dysbiosis diet, they felt even better, because they were starting to fall off.

Well, I have definitely put the weight back on since I've been here (Thanks for reminding me of that, Leni!) because this morning I could barely get the stupid pants zipped up. And once I did...hoo, boy. They are unfortunately a bit more high-waisted than I remember them being, and also clingy across the stomach (which is a lot poochier than it was), and I just about cried in the bathroom.

So I put on some other pants with a lower waist (all the better to hold in check the part of my stomach that bothers me), and then decided on a different shirt because the red one I originally chose was really really emphasizing my unfortunate tendency to anxiety-breakouts, and by the time I finished all my mucking about, it was ten minutes past my usual departure time.

Ugh, I hate complaining about my weight (well, no, I love complaining about my weight, I just don't want it to be the only thing I talk about here, which it could easily do), so instead I'm going to focus on the positive - the dysbiosis diet was working for me.

It is really difficult to cut out all the things I have to cut out, and it is not a quick fix, but it was working. I was feeling better and starting to recover from this problem that has plagued me for years. If I hadn't fallen off the wagon at that stupid Halloween party at Jeff and Julie's (hooray for eating to avoid feeling awkward at social gatherings!), I might have been better prepared when I came up here. Of course, I probably would have had the same difficulty once I got up here (ie. very limited access to the foods I need).

What was I talking about again?

Anyway, I can't wait to go to Whitehorse tomorrow. I have a kickass dysbiosis grocery list typed up, and I am ready to rock it.

Monday Mornin' Blues

After a nice, relaxing weekend that involved a trip to the Sheep Cabin for a winter picnic (hot dogs cooked on a woodstove, followed by marshmallowy deliciousness), working on the new quilt, and catching up on a year's worth of Chatelaine, coming in to work on Monday morning feels like a let-down.

I'm technically in charge while my boss is away, and already I've had an anxiety-related breakout. I'm 32, I don't want to be dealing with stupid skin issues.

Okay, time to dive in.

Important Lessons I Have Learned

In much the same way as my (entire) time in Japan, my first few months in the north have been filled with Learning Experiences^TM.

I've learned that as much as I hate dress pants, I can't wear skirts to work if I am walking from the Upper Bench to the office and the temperature is below -10^o. Also, I've been informed that people are going to look at me funny if I do wear skirts to work.

No matter how expensive food from the hardware store is, I will buy it because I have impulse control issues.

When you buy half a cord of firewood cut to fireplace length, so you can enjoy evening fires in your fireplace, make sure you also have an axe to chop the logs in half, otherwise you've just paid a bunch of money for something you can't really use yet. (Good job!)

Make non-work friends in addition to your work-friends. (This one can be hard if you're socially awkward like me, but try.) Work can suck the life out of you, and it's nice to talk to people who aren't connected to work at all.

Make more quilts. You never know when the temperature, which has been hovering around the 0^o mark for the past few days, will suddenly plummet, leaving you shivering in bed at midnight, unwilling to go make a hot water bottle. Quilts are always handy.

NEW FABRIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My eyes are burning

I'm so sleepy today!

I've decided to put a notice in the next issue of the Town's newsletter that I am looking for suggestions on improvements to the Town's website - things people would like to see added/removed, updates on out-of-date information, and that type of thing. It's not just the Town Office's website, after all - it's supposed to be promoting the whole Town. (I can't seem to write Town with a small 't' any more, which is a direct consequence of my job.)

I'm thinking of putting some kind of survey up on the website itself (if I ever get a spare moment to figure out how to do such a thing), and perhaps that way I can start to get a inkling about how people feel about using Facebook/Twitter/social media to promote the Town.

But first, I have minutes to transcribe, final reports to write, and an updated schedule for the Crane & Sheep Festival to work out.

Good times!

Today, I am thinking ahead

I booked some time off to go to Whitehorse next week, to look at a car and do a big grocery shop, and GO TO A BOOKSTORE (seriously, I may have to be physically restrained from throwing books on the ground and rolling on them, a la Demi Moore on a pile of money in that movie whose title escapes me at present).

I am also looking at social media as part of my job - is there a way I could use Twitter/Facebook/Blogger to advertise/promote the Town? Is there potential for trouble? (This is Faro, of course there is potential for trouble ^_^)

I have been reading a lot of articles at Small Biz Survival, and every time I do, I get excited. There are so many things we could do to promote the town that wouldn't cost a lot of money...but I don't know how to do things, or how people would react.

Lots to think on, on a warm Monday in the Yukon.