So Tired...

I took the afternoon off work, and H and I drove our dogs down Blind Creek Road. We parked about halfway between the turnoff for the Sheep Viewing Cabin and the eponymous Creek, let the dogs out of the trucks, and proceeded to walk behind them as they ran and jumped and did dog-things. We pretended to be scared of them when they came tearing back toward us ("Ah! They have rabies! Ah!"), lured them to rest with bacon (jerky treats, not real bacon), and shot the breeze about dog-stuff.

I worry that I am not providing the kind of home that Aki deserves...and then I remind myself that he probably would have been eaten by a wolf some time over the last month if I hadn't taken him, so he's doing pretty well.

Anywhoo, the end result of our walk is that Aki is asleep in his crate, the cats are asleep on my feet, and I will be asleep shortly after I put the laptop down and turn out the light.

Not bad, for a Wednesday.

Holidays are Near...

Less than 3 weeks until I get a whole week of vacation! I wake up every morning almost delirious at the thought of time off.

You see, except for a couple of trips to WH for groceries/shopping, and the three days I took off over my birthday, I haven't had a significant vacation since...well, last Christmas. And I am tired.

I'm trying to work some heavy-duty house-cleaning in over the next couple of weeks, so that by the time 12:00pm December 23 rolls around, I won't have to do anything but play with the dog, work on some quilts, and eat stuffing constantly. (I'm going to stock up.)

So ridiculously excited!

Slack Bloggers

I'm reassured as I catch up on the updates from Mads and Erica that I'm not the only slack blogger around. In fact, perhaps there was something in the apartment we shared in Kingston that causes slack blogging? If only C had a blog, we could confirm it ^_^

Yesterday, as I was rushing to finish a quilt for the Christmas Tea and Bazaar, I suffered my first major quilting injury. Now, over the years, I have been pricked by many a needle/pin, but I have never done anything that required more than a bandage. But yesterday, somehow (and I can't really remember how I did it, I think I was in shock) I managed to stab right through my left index finger with a machine needle and break the needle off in my finger.

Yeah, I'll let you think about that for a minute.

There I was, all alone, in my pyjamas, with half a needle impaling my finger. My first thought was, "Okay, better move my hand away from the quilt so I don' get any blood on it." My second thought was, "Is that the pointy end of the needle? My tweezers are too far away for me to deal with this." So I wound up using my embroidering scissors as tweezers to remove the offending piece of shrapnel.

Then I had to use many bandages to secure my finger, prevent bloodstains, and keep from freaking out every time I looked at it. I may require a tetanus shot.

Needless to say, the binding on the quilt didn't get finished. I brought it to the bazaar anyway, though, just so people could see what kind of stuff I can make.

I sold three items at the bazaar, which was pretty good for my first time. One of the items was the wallhanging that was a miniature version of Mark and Beth's wedding quilt. It hurt to part with it, but I think I will be allowed to go and visit it if I get really sad.

Now that the throbbing in my finger is down to a dull ache, perhaps today I will finish the binding on the Quilt o' Doom and start sketching new things to make with my stash ^_^

Where I've been...sort of

So, I've been informed by Kara that I've been fairly slack in the blogging department. She's right, of course. And Harold commented on my lack of updates, too, which gets me thinking it's time to get busy and get blogging.

I could blame work, or my inherent laziness, or the fact that if I can't think of a totally awesome topic to blog about then I don't feel like blogging, but those are all excuses. I just haven't been feeling it, you dig?

My latest excuse is the newest addition to my family...this guy.



This is Aki (or 秋, if you want to get technical), and he joined the family on November 6th.

Here's a little backstory on this guy. He is five months old, and has been running wild pretty much that whole time. The other puppies in his litter found new homes almost right away, and Harold tried to convince me when he took Aki's sister that I really needed a dog. To which I replied, "No way, I am not cut out for dog ownership."*

Aki would wander over to the town office and sit on the porch, looking in the doors and windows with a sad face. Eventually, one of his neighbours started putting food out for him, because he was losing all his puppy fat and it was starting to get cold. As the temperature dropped, my tiny shrivelled heart shrivelled up even more. "He's just a puppy!" my heart would shriek. "He needs to be looked after!"

Eventually, I couldn't stand it anymore. Michel had offered me a doghouse. Heather had offered me dishes and toys and anything I needed. Kara offered me dire warnings about how I really didn't want a dog, did I really want to be going for walks at -40, what was I going to do with him when I had to go to town? Thanks, Kara ^_^

At any rate, Aki came home with me a week ago, and we've been motoring along fairly well. I'm definitely not energetic enough for a 5-month old puppy, but I'm doing my best. We walk three or four times a day, he stays outside while I'm at work, and the cats are teaching him who's the boss around the house.**

I'm trying to teach him to be a good canine citizen. Poop is scooped. Jumping up is discouraged. Dog friends are being made (every time we walk by Copper's house, Aki pulls on the leash because he wants to go play). I'm trying to forget that I've been afraid of dogs ever since a friend's Boston Terrier bit me back in high school. And I'm dreaming of the day when I'll have the energy to take Aki to the park and actually play with him, instead of passing out at the end of the day.

It's coming, right?



* Famous last words.
** Rodney is the boss. If the dog sasses me, the dog gets a smack from Rodney.

Greetings from the Coldest House on the Block

Long time, no talk, Internet.

I didn't mean to drop a Big Serious Entry on you and then disappear, but work has been keeping me hopping. Also, I'm kind of lazy.

The window guys are here today, replacing my old back door/window combo with floor-to-ceiling faux French doors. They cut the house open around 11, and I am debating whether putting on my parka would be an extreme reaction.

I've taken advantage of my desire to be away from all the noise and stuff by: 1) moving all the firewood left over from last year down to the basement in preparation for fresh firewood coming in; 2) taken a load of garbage/recycling to the dump/recycling depot; 3) cleaned the garage from top to bottom, and; 4) done several loads of laundry.

I'm very glad I made extra spaghetti last night so that I could just microwave the leftovers for lunch. Woooo! (Except I dropped the container on the floor, broke a corner off, and didn't notice until I had scarfed half the spaghetti. Here's hoping I don't die from punctured intestines!)

I have another load of garbage that should probably head over to the dump, but I'm very tired. I know that I will have more work to do in the garage when H&H bring over a load of firewood (I love you guys!), and I'm really looking forward to firing up the woodstove, letting the cats out of their dungeon, and having a really really long, hot shower when the window is finished.

Happy Thanksgiving, all!

Dark Nights, or The Entry that Took Three Weeks

I've been composing this entry for just over three weeks now.

Unfortunately, I did most of that composition in the minutes before I went to sleep, so it didn't get written down. But that's okay, because it's changed so many times over those three weeks that any entry I wrote wouldn't have been as complete as it is today.

I've mentioned my anxiety issues before. I figured I was just a naturally anxious person, and I just needed to deal with it. You know, suck it up, put on your Big Girl panties, get over yourself. I thought it was a character flaw.

But almost four weeks ago, I had a dark, dark night. I was a wreck.

I often feel overwhelmed by isolation here. I know I have wonderful friends (I love you, Kara!), but I'm still up here on my own. I deal with a lot of stress at work, and at the end of the day I come home to the cats who, while they're great at purring and demanding meals, are not really effective at listening to my problems. Sometimes it feels like everywhere I go, people want to talk to me about Town stuff. It feels like I can't even run into the store to buy bananas without someone coming up to me to complain about something.

I realize my perception is skewed - it's probably less than 25% of the time, but those times outweigh the 75% of the time people just want to talk about the weather. (Don't stop talking to me, people! Just maybe not about work ^_^)

So, there was the dark night. There was a lot of crying and shaking and wondering how my life had gone so wrong. I make a good wage, I have a decent life, why can't I find the energy to get out of bed in the morning? Why couldn't I even pinpoint why I was unhappy?

Then, a few days later, I lost an old friend to a heart attack.

34 years old, full of life and love, and suddenly gone. As I learned more about her life in the years since we had last been together, how she had truly become her own person, comfortable in her skin, I grieved for her loss...and for the loss of who I had been when I knew her.

The me of 15 years ago had self-confidence and bravado galore. She wasn't always pleased with her appearance and she couldn't keep a penny in her pocket (both traits I still struggle with today), but she woke every morning determined to kick life's ass and drink deeply from the cup of experience.

Yes, the me of 15 years ago was a drama student - does it show?

At any rate, to return to the dark days - I decided it was time to seek some medical assistance. I booked an appointment at the Nursing Station to see the visiting doctor, and I explained that I was depressed. We had a good talk (when I wasn't about to break down in tears), and he prescribed a mild anti-depressant. He also agreed with me that I might benefit from seeing one of the counsellors who travel to the communities. I think that talking to someone who is completely separate from the community will offer a distance (and discretion) that I couldn't find in town.

Even before I started on the medication, I felt as though an enormous weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I've probably overshared with half the town because I'm so relieved. I don't see this as a weakness - I see acknowledging it and seeking help for it as a strength.

It helped that my family has been so supportive, it must be said.

So, I've been on the medication for two weeks now, and I lack the vocabulary to adequately express how much better I feel. I'm not saying I walk around delirious with joy every minute, but it's like I've stepped out of the fog. I feel like things are more clear than they have been in a very long time.

Some of the changes are small (I can do laundry again! I can make a proper meal!) and some are much bigger (I'm planning ahead! I went to a baby shower and stayed for longer than half an hour! I'm getting my financial house in order!).

Probably the biggest decision I've come to over the past two weeks is that home ownership is not in the cards for me at the moment. Maybe six months or a year down the line, that picture will be different, but right now, it is not the best choice for me. Removing that stressor has had a very positive impact.

There's a small part of me that still drives by the house on Douglass and gives a little sigh, but every time I come back to my little brown rental house, I am content. I look at the rising balance in my savings account, and I feel pride. I feel like an adult.

So, here's my 200th entry. It's taken a while to write, but I think it was worth the noodling I did over it. Here's to 200 more.

Still here

If anyone needs me, I'm holed up in the Fortress of Solitude, getting over a rough week by objectifying some dudes on TV. And polishing off a bottle of blush wine (truly, the gingerale of alcohol). And thinking more about life and stuff.

A friend of mine from theatre school died last week, and it hit me harder than I imagined it would. Adel was my age - the first person my age I've ever lost, and I've spent the week wishing we had been closer over the past decade.

It was a rough week - mourning and grieving, yet having to be out in public for events and meetings and all the nitty gritty stuff that makes up my life. I slept for almost 18 hours Friday night/Saturday morning, and woke up feeling almost sick for it.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go back to objectifying the guys from Haven a little bit more.

Jam Woes...and some Deep Thinking

I made two batches of jam over the past two days, and neither of them turned out quite the way I wanted. I overcooked one, and wound up with three jars of rock-solid blackberry sludge, and I miscalculated the sugar and undercooked the second, leaving me with seven jars of what will be the most delicious pancake/french toast/sundae sauce. The blackberry sludge appears to be salvageable, with time and patience, and I've already consumed 1/4 of a jar of strawberry sauce.*

As I said to H, I just hate not being instantly good at something. She pointed out that not being instantly good at canning was inherently different from not being instantly good at sky-diving, we all had a good laugh, and then I went back to what I do best - lazing around the house, not putting clean laundry away, and being the indentured servant of the fuzzy mens.

I've been thinking a lot about journeys lately. There's a part of me that wants to take off for a while - head out on the road and see what happens. (That is the part of me that doesn't remember that we just drove to Whitehorse and back on Friday/Saturday and that our legs are still cramping.) I'm afraid if I don't listen to that part of me now, though, that it's going to manifest itself much more loudly in a few months, and I'll do something without planning to do it.***

Anyway, to get back to the original point, I still have a few batches of jam I intend to try - I will keep you updated. Once my fingers have stopped feeling scorched.****


*Seriously, I may be going into a sugar coma. If I'm not at work tomorrow, please send help - preferably in the form of those two guys from Haven**
**Seriously, how have I missed out on that show? It's like my perfect blend of procedural cop show, paranormal show, and Maine (the creepiest of all states).
***See: How I moved to Japan, and also: How I moved to the Yukon.
****Unrelated to anything - some times, the cats will look at me without blinking, with these strange looks on their cat-faces, and I fear that they are plotting the best way to kill and eat me. Just FYI, in case anything happens.

"I say we take off, nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure."

I haven't been a good blogger, lately.

I mean, I've been thinking about blogging, about topics and themes and an analysis of why Ripley in Aliens is the baddest-ass that ever was or will be, but I haven't actually been writing any of it.

Whoops.

I'm not writing it tonight, either. Tonight, I'm just checking in so you don't think I've forgotten about you. I'll get back to blogging after my bajillionth viewing of the Director's Cut of Aliens.

It must be said

American Apparel ads make me feel stabby.

The Tank Thong? Do I really need to have my eyes attacked daily by a banner ad consisting of 20 womens' butts with different colour thongs crammed up them? (I think it's actually the same woman, only the thongs have been colour-changed in Photoshop - but you probably know what I'm talking about.)

I'm not the first one to make this complaint, I'm sure, but American Apparel ads make me feel dirty. Not dirty as in sexy, but dirty as in "I wish I could bathe myself in bleach and scour everything from my brain to my toes with a Brillo pad." I feel unclean.

Sigh. I wouldn't have said anything under normal circumstances, but I was just catching up on the day's fugs at Go Fug Yourself, and blammo! Tank Thong Ass right up in my grill! I just had to share how icky I felt with you, Internet people.

Now to try to clear my brain so I can sleep.

Back

I took a mini-vacation last week.

It was my birthday on Thursday (there is a post I started about birthdays, but I never finished it, and feel the moment is gone), and I knew that my boss and my coworker would both be starting their vacations this week. My other coworker will be on vacation in October and November. I'm not planning a trip to Ontario this Christmas, so if I wanted to take any time, last week was the best.

Three days off, plus the weekend, meant five glorious days of hanging out in the Fortress of Solitude, quilting, thinking about quilting, and picking raspberries in the yard. (There was also tiramisu on Thursday and cake on Friday at the office, to celebrate my birthday and my coworker's birthday - even on vacation, I can't seem to stay away.)

Of course those five days felt like an eternity when I finally rolled out of bed on Wednesday morning (almost afternoon), but by Saturday night I was cursing the speed at which they had passed. I was tempted to call in sick this morning, but guilt prevented me. Guilt and the certainty that my coworkers would know that I wasn't sick, I was just lazy.

I have one quilt-top that is waiting for a border and backing fabric - it's a new pattern for me, in a new palette. I'm thinking of calling it something ridiculous like "Spicy Salsa" or "Caliente Cubes." (Yeah, I need some help.)



I also made another quilt-top that has yet to be photographed. After I made it, I realized that I had used up part of the fabric I intended for the back, leaving me unable to baste the sucker together and quilt it. I spent most of Sunday trying to figure out how I could fix the problem.

Luckily, I woke up this morning with an idea, the kind of idea that makes you want to leave work at lunch and not come back for the rest of the day. The same guilt that forced me to go to work in the morning compelled me to return after lunch, sadly, but it made the afternoon go by pretty quickly.

Long story short, I have pieced a wicked back for the quilt, so it's practically reversable. Tomorrow I will cut out the batting, baste it together, and start stippling. Wooo!

Okay, so you know I'm alive, I've accounted for my whereabouts, and now I'm headed to bed. Perhaps I'll wake tomorrow with another idea that makes me want to play hooky ^_^

A thing I'm going to do

In an effort to advance my goal of becoming an Internet Famous Quilter, I'm going to take part in this.

Now the only question is, what quilt will I display, and which recipe do I use? Hmmmmm...

Wil Wheaton makes me wish I could deal with crowds

Here is Wil Wheaton's Comicon write up.

Man, I wish I had more money, time, and ability to deal with crowds, because I would have loved to sit in on the Eureka panel.

Ah well, maybe next year.

Quiltrospection

Sometimes I wish that I had never started reading quilting blogs.

I don't mean that in a bad way. There are so many things I've learned from quilty folks on the internet, so many ideas I have had after reading a particularly interesting tutorial or introspective post - I wouldn't take those back.

But the downside is that I start to think that my own work is...well...amateurish. I have my own tastes, which maybe don't mesh with the tastes of people whose work I admire. I worry that I am not hand-quilting "properly" - as if the QUILT POLICE are going to take me away for impersonating a Real Quilter.

I've mentioned before that I have issues, right?

Then there are days like today where I look around at my work and say, "You know what? I don't care if So-and-so doesn't like my colour/pattern choices. I don't care if the Quilt Police crack down on my hand-quilting technique. I'm happy with what I'm making."

(I just basted a quilt together last night, does it show?)

When I lived in Japan, I ate with chopsticks. I handled them pretty well, but I was always nervous that some well-meaning person was going to give me the "oh, you use chopsticks very well for a foreigner" compliment (which was the equivalent of patting me on the head like I was a child). After a couple of years, I mentioned that fear to my friend Mitsue. She told me, "It doesn't really matter how you hold your chopsticks, as long as the food gets from the bowl to your mouth."

That's my take on quilting now - "It doesn't matter how you piece/baste/quilt it, as long as the end result is that the top-batting-and-backing wind up stuck together."


Yeah, I'm not going to be an Internet Famous Quilter with lines like that...but I'll be making stuff I like, and that's pretty good ^_^

It's one of those days

I was mentally composing* what would have been a fantastic new post, had I been able to type it...and then stuff happened to push the post from my mind, leaving me with nothing but an overwhelming desire to cram pizza and ice-cream down my gullet until I explode.

And now my frigging keyboard is creating the wrong symbols when I hit Shift + certain keys. Hooray.

Not in Word, mind you. Just here. *HATES ON LIFE*


*I orginally typed that as "composting," which did bring a tiny smile to my rage-face.

Words of wisdom

Some of you may be aware of one of my earliest crushes, lasting through my teenage years and continuing on to this day. I speak, of course, of Wil Wheaton.

When ST:TNG came out, I was at just the right age for a celebrity crush. (Which is not to say that the age I'm at now is the wrong age for such a crush, because lalalala I am rewatching CSI:NY just for the Gary Sinise lalala I can't hear you.) I'm not sure if the crush was totally on @wilw, because a large portion of it was a crush on Wesley.*

Years later, though, when I was at university and Wil Wheaton had kind of disappeared from the acting map, I discovered his blog. He was one of the first celebrity bloggers, but more importantly he was a geek. He liked the same comics I did, he he was funny to read, and it was a revelation.**

Anyway, fast-forward to now. WWdN.iX is one website that I check almost daily, along with all the social media sites that are my bread and butter. And this morning, I read this entry. I had seen the individual tweets on my Twitter-stream, but they hadn't really registered as I was bombarded with updates from everyone else.

I'm trying to keep those words close today.***



*I don't deny it. It is what it is.
**It also meant that my teenage dream of marrying him was dashed, because he was totally married to someone else. Sigh~~
***It goes without saying that "Don't be a dick" is something I remind myself of, constantly. Not just when I am wearing this T-shirt.

Question for you

I have a question for you, oh avid readers of my sporadically-updating blog. What are you interested in?

I realize that's kind of a broad question, but it serves a large purpose.

I'm trying to wrap my head around getting the Town's blog up and running, but can't for the life of me figure out what to write about. Obviously, the official Town Blog (the ToFBlog ^_^ - no, that's not its name) can't contain rambling about how pretty Gary Sinise's eyes are, or how badly I look after my greenhouse, or any of the other staples that make up Here Right Now.

So, I ask you - what would capture your attention in terms of a Town Blog? Would it be history? Updates of ongoing projects? Local guest bloggers?

I need you assistance, internet!

In Which Our Heroine Gets In Touch With Nature

Long time, no talk, internet.

I'll be honest with you, friends - it's probably a good thing I didn't blog anything last week. I was miserable. The frenzy of Canada Day preparations made me crazy. My trip in to Whitehorse last Wednesday/Thursday, which was supposed to be work-related yet relaxing was ... well, not relaxing.

I learned some important lessons about ordering food for next year's CD Festivities - mainly to stress the importance of packaging the food in such a way that it can fit in a cooler, for the love of Zeus, people, Faro is a four hour drive away! - had a great deal of stress, and had the day redeemed by the kindness of Louie and Bobbi at the KEBABery. You may never know how much that chicken shwarma meant to me ^_^

Today, I rode back into WH with H. I know, I know, three trips to WH in a four week period - I'm exceeding my limit. But my grocery situation was dire. I was out of almond milk.

...

I need my almond milk. Without it, there can be no breakfast smoothies. Without smoothies, there is no breakfast. Without breakfast, I become a monster.

So we drove in to have a meeting and do some grocery shopping. We stopped at Riverside Grocery, where I proceeded to go crazy buying an assortment of flours and seeds. I'm looking forward to experimental cooking with garbanzo bean flour and coconut flour. I'm getting ideas.

On the way back, we stopped at the Coal Mine for milkshakes. H's husband had gone out for a ride on his motorcycle, and we just happened to meet up there. We took our shakes down to the river and watched the Yukon float by as we filled each other in on what happened during the day. My trivia for the day? The Yukon River flows at a rate of 7m/hour.

After milkshakes, we headed on our way back. H decided we should stop at their friend's place out on the Magundy to see the horses. We had a long, bug-filled walk up the driveway (which makes me feel less guilty about forgetting to go the gym yesterday), and spent a very pleasant half-hour with the horses. I couldn't remember the last time I had been near a horse (I'm thinking it was back when Amy and I were friends, which would be about 17 years ago, which makes me feel very old, so I'm going to stop thinking about it), but these guys were quite calm and friendly and put me at ease. They were particularly pleased to see H, who provided them with bug-spray.

I think horses might have an even more soporific effect than cats, and I may have to go out there again.

Frenzy

I'm heading in to Whitehorse tomorrow. (What!? I can hear you saying. Weren't you just in WH, like, two weeks ago? What's wrong with you?! And, under normal circumstances, you'd be right. But I digress...)

I have to pick up all the food and the remaining supplies for the Canada Day festivities taking place on Friday. I could have done a day trip on Thursday, I guess, but the idea really didn't appeal to me. So, I'm driving in Wednesday, in a calm and leisurely fashion, getting supplies in the morning and food in the afternoon on Thursday before heading back to Faro.

I will also be working a long-overdue massage in there, as well as some highlights. I'm worth it.

This means, though, that I have to do a massive pre-WH cleanup. As I said on Facebook, "what if something happens to me and Crime Scene Investigators/co-workers/friends & family have to come into my house?" Is it significant that my first thought was CSIs?

Anyhoodle, I haven't decided if I'm going to bring the laptop with me, or if this is going to be an internet-free trip. I guess you'll know when I do ^_^

In Which I Am Conflicted

So, I'm trying to pay off my credit card, start saving money for a large purchase, and be more responsible.

But I've just found an online store that not only has the Castle Peeps line in all three colour ways, but also has the 1001 Peeps line in three colourways! What is a fabric-obsessed gal to do?

Small happy things

After a day of frustrations, it was pleasant to come home and finish the Cowboy Quilt. I will be taking photos (or having photos taken, depending), but will not be posting any of them until the quilt is safely in Hezz's hands. It has definitely been an experience ^_^

The other happy thing is that I found my former dance teacher, Yoshie, has a blog for her studio here on Blogger. I can't actually read much of what she has written, being pretty much illiterate in Japanese (particularly after three years back in Canada), but I am glad to see she is doing well.

Well, that's it for me, positive-wise. I have to go break up a fight between my furry children.

Anxiety

I may have mentioned, a time or two, that I have anxiety issues.

In fact, I think a couple of my tags deal specifically with anxiety (hoarding, work, nameless faceless ones) and anxiety-related minutiae (stress, awkwardness, freaking out).

I don't know where my assorted anxieties sprang from, nor when they will strike. Sometimes, they are logical (anything related to the Crane & Sheep Festival, for instance), but most of the time they come out of nowhere and blindside me.

Today was a perfect example. Brittany's family is leaving town, and they were having a get together. It started in the afternoon and carried on into the evening.

I couldn't go.

Every time I thought about putting on a clean shirt and walking over there, I started to panic. I tried breathing exercises. I burned incense. I reminded myself over and over that I am friendly with Brittany and Chris, that Matt and Kara were over there, that I hadn't been invited for the sole purpose of people making fun of me or reading my secret diary* or poking me with hatpins. It just wasn't helping.

Finally, I rallied my strength around 8:00, and started the walk over to their house. With every step, the anxiety grew. When I finally got to their house, I kept walking. I walked into the golf course, into a thicket of trees, and stood there, almost in tears. I stood there for almost ten minutes, just listening to the trees and focusing on breathing.

I did eventually make it into the house. I sat on a chair and listened to the conversations going on around me. I initially turned down the offer of a drink, because I was afraid I would start shaking or knock it over. I think I was there half an hour before I accepted a glass of water. I didn't eat anything (which is a shame, because some of the dessert-type-things looked amazing).

No one poked me with hatpins. My diary remains unread. Maybe they made fun of me after I went home, although I seriously doubt that.

There's a note scrawled on my refrigerator - I wrote it back in 2009, after a conversation I had with my sister Hezz, long before I came here. It says, "I'm always surprised by how quickly a conversation about how I'm not comfortable in social settings can degenerate into, 'Maybe you need to see a psychiatrist.' So quickly!"

I don't know, maybe I do need to see a psychiatrist. Until then, I guess I'll just keep trying to slay the demons on my own.


*Yes, I have a secret diary. No, I'm not telling you what's in it.

It's a good thing I'm not an internet-famous quilter...

I don't get the big deal about Sherbet Pips.

I'm not saying I hate them or anything...but I'm pretty indifferent to them.

I'll go back to working and lurking now.

Cowboy Quilt

I am thisclose to finishing the centre portion of the Cowboy Quilt. I would already be done, in fact, if I hadn't decided I needed to go back and quilt some hatchwork on the fussy-cut cowboy blocks (to keep the batting from shifting). I can't wait - once the centre is done, I can move on to the border. And then I can be done!*

I did battle with the raspberry bushes over the weekend, and my arms definitely bear the scars of that battle. I don't know if I'm doing any good, or if I'm destroying the bushes, but we shall see. I am also covered in mosquito bites, particularly in places undignified to scratch. Hooray for gardening!


*Not that I don't enjoy working on it, Hezz ^_^

XTreme Gardening

So, some of you may know my mom. For those of you who don't, I will make a basic introduction - my mom is an awesome gardener. I'm pretty sure she could plant a stick and come back later to find a tree. There's a lot of garden acreage at my parents' place, and she fills it all with colourful plants and shrubs and ... well, stuff.

As a youth, I was not impressed by gardens, aside from a kind of "one day, when I am rich, my house will have fabulous gardens and maybe a pond with a bridge" ramblings (because I was going to be rich, boy howdy). I disliked being asked to help rake leaves or do anything in the backyard. Or practically anywhere else outside. I am registered as a brown thumb in two countries (possibly more if Japan and Canada share their lists with other countries) - since I got cats, I haven't been able to keep a plant alive for more than three months*.

The house I'm in has a huge backyard, full of rogue raspberry bushes...and a lot of weeds and overgrowth. I don't think the previous tennants did anything in the yard. And my backyard has a kickass** greenhouse. I moved in too late last year to take advantage of it, and I have been determined to change that this year.

Today, my neighbour Bonnie and I spent a good 5 hours in there, cleaning out the beds (which had spent at least a year growing weeds, grass, and baby willow trees), mushing in fertilizer, and planting seeds and plants. If all goes according to plan, I may get to turn in my Brown Thumb card at the end of the season.

Photo updates to follow - right now, I'm too tired.



*Not counting the umbrella plant Bonnie gave me last September - the cats chew on it so much, I'm certain it is looking for death.

**By kickass, I mean it is well constructed, really long, and feels kind of like stepping into a hydroponics lab on a space station ^_^

"My friends call me...Ahkbar."

No, they don't, but I watched Romeo Must Die again last night, and that's all that came to mind.

I'm heading out of Faro today, on my way to the Association of Yukon Communities Annual General Meeting in Haines Junction. (That's a mouthful, ain't it?) I'm still not 100% sure why I am going, but I will try to take advantage of the opportunity to see another community, network with folk from the various communities, and really try to wind myself down after the Crane & Sheep Festival.

That last one is proving difficult. But hey, at least I haven't turned to the bottle ^_^

I'm really hoping to sit down and write a proper entry about the C&S, both for this page and for the Town's official (but as of yet, unwritten to) blog. Michael of Michael's Meanderings has some great posts about his family's trip up here this weekend, with great photos! I only got a few photos, because I was running around so much (Anxcitement!) so it's nice to see what other people saw.

In other news, instead of going to bed at a decent hour, like a normal person, last night I stayed up to make a new quilt top. I'm hoping to have enough time before I leave for WH to piece together the backing, and then to take it with me to work on during the brief times when I am not required in meetings. I need to start selling some quilts!

"Let's face it, this is not the worst thing you've caught me doing."

I'm not going to lie to you - I cried a little this morning when I woke up to hear it was raining. Part of that is obviously me detoxing from a steady diet of coffee and sugar (thanks for the donuts, Leo & Esther!), but the larger part is just sheer frustration. How could nature turn its back on me when I worked so hard on this festival?

I can't control nature, though, and crying about it isn't going to change it.

Time to go face the day.

"The groin? Really? Why does someone practice shooting one in the groin?"

I don't want to shoot anyone in the groin, but that really made me laugh. Thank you, NCIS: LA.

I could really, really go for a nap right about now. But I should probably spend my lunch hour cleaning the downstairs bathroom and making my house look nice.

Sigh no more, ladies

I am working on setting up a blog for the town, but ran into the problem that the profile it pulled up was my profile, because it was linked to this account. Needless to say, I wasn't super keen on that idea, so there was some mucking about necessary.

Of course, now that I have set up a blog for the town, I'm going to have to start posting. Given how slack I've been over here, lately, I'm kind of dreading it.

At any rate, I have another post for here that I have been mulling over for the last little while, but have been distracted by all the Crane & Sheep stuff. I did a little interview on CBC this morning - hope I didn't sound like too much of a dork. At any rate, it'll all be over by Sunday afternoon, so perhaps that post will be making its way out shortly ^_^

Until then, think warm thoughts!

Bazinga!

I appear to have caused myself some difficulty with my last post. While it is true that I have an extensive array of TV and movie quotes to draw from, it is actually really hard to come up with one that fits with a particular blog entry. So I am either going to have to stop writing, or come up with titles that have no bearing on the body of the entry.

Hmmmm.

At any rate, we are at the end of a long weekend. Four days off, and while that seemed unthinkably long on Thursday evening, it seems all too short on Sunday night. I could use another day or two, really.

Friday, I learned how to do my taxes, had a nice drive to Carmacks with H, and picked up the posters for the Crane & Sheep Festival. Saturday, I had a headache - probably because I stayed inside and didn't venture out to enjoy the nice weather. Sunday, I cleaned house like a madwoman, and today I had a visitor for tea and spent the rest of the day quilting.

Obviously, I need more time off.

I'm potentially having a visitor the weekend of the C&S, and I wanted to make sure my house was clean and tidy before she gets here. That being said, two weeks is just too far away for the threat of visitation to really register with me to get Cleanstravaganza happening, so I had to kick the terror level up a notch. That was achieved by inviting Kara over*. I even vaccuumed.

Now I'm wondering if I should throw a load of laundry in before putting on my sleep mask** and catching some zzzzzs.

*Not that having you over was terrifying, Kara - I'm just working on lowering the Fortress of Solitude levels of my house.
**By sleep mask I actually mean bandana tied around my head. If anyone wants to buy me a real sleep mask, I wouldn't object.

When you've drawn blood, you've exfoliated

I've decided that, from now on, all of my blog entries will have titles drawn from the vast collection of TV quotes I have amassed over the years. Today's is drawn (haha, you see what I did there?) from an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

It's also topical, because I totally over-exfoliated earlier this week, and wound up with scabby arms. It was my OCD tendencies taking over - I kept going, even after I could feel that my arms were scratched. This is not the first time such a thing has happened.

Oh, no - we're getting to the bit in Eragon where Brom (Jeremy Irons) dies. Oh, sorry if you haven't seen it already - that was a total spoiler. I'm not going to lie, I'm weeping. Predictable and derivative as the movie/book can be, I always cry when Brom dies.

Life progresses, here in Faro. My work on the Festival continues, there are Council meetings and special meetings and sometimes I wonder if there will ever be a day without a meeting, and summer is approaching rapidly. Will the cranes come? Will my keynote speaker be well received? Will I have to flip moose-burgers at the Wild Game BBQ when what I'd prefer to be doing is having a nervous breakdown? Only time will tell.

Sleep is the next item on the agenda. Not enough time, really, but it must be taken when the chance exists ^_^

Homeward Bound

I've learned a lot this week in Whitehorse.

I managed to navigate the city streets with far less anxiety than I normally do on my flying trips to town. I haven't had a single near miss (although now that I've typed that, I'm likely to get in fender bender on my way to the Superstore). I still feel like maybe there should be a sign on top of my truck that says, "Uneasy in traffic - please be cautious around me," but who couldn't use a sign like that sometimes?

I was afraid, going in to the course. Anxious. But I gradually managed to calm down, and I learned so much. I'm hoping I can translate some of what I learned into tactics for the CRIC. I'd really like that.

So, I have to stop at Staples to test-drive office chairs, pick up paper and blank invitations for the C&S, and get some fresh groceries. When I get home, there will be new quilts to ponder and work to prepare for.

As Martha Stewart would say, it's a good thing ^_^

Success!

My presentation went very well, nerves notwithstanding. It was suggested by the teacher and my fellow students that I present it to my bosses and see what they think. w00t w00t!

I visited Bear's Paw Quilts, and walked away with a bag of swag that fills my shrivelled heart with glee - new stencils, a permanent marker for making labels, and the last 2.9m of that fabulous black batik with the moose and bears, which I will use to make some fantastic quilts for sale. I also bought the Sudoku quilt pattern and a pre-cut selection of fabrics with which to make it. Whee!

I'm just waiting for my dinner to arrive (I had to order Chinese, because when else am I going to get the chance?) and after dinner I'm heading over to Walmart to pick up the vast majority of my non-perishable goods. Kidney beans, I am looking in your direction ^_^

All in all, I think we can call this week-long trip a success.

Work, Veg, Sleep

I haven't really done much in Whitehorse, other than attend my course.

I come back to the hotel, do my homework, watch TV, and sleep. By the time I'm finished the course, it's all I can do to get the homework done. School is exhausting - now I remember why I slept so hard for four years.

All the homework assignments are building up to Saturday's presentation of a business plan for the CRIC. It's not necessarily the actual plan the CRIC will be following, since I'm the only one with input, but for the purposes of the course, it's the real deal.

Ugh, I will have to stand up in front of the class and present it...double ugh.

My goal is to have the presentation finished Friday before class ends, and then I am heading over to Bear's Paw Quilts for a little fabric therapy. I'm on the lookout for cheap flannel, northern batiks, and anything else that catches my eye. Oooh, maybe even some thread!*

Saturday evening will be shopping for non-perishables, and Sunday morning is perishable consumables. Then I'm on the road and back to Faro...and I probably won't be back to WH for another two months. I may have hit my WH limit for the year already ^_^


*Thread nerd ^_^

Eh-zausted

This course is really wiping me out.

It's not that it's hard like memorizing the dates of ancient wars or conjugating Latin verbs in several tenses (ugh, my ulcer just gave a little Latin flare-up just thinking about it), but it's hard in its own way.

Some of the concepts seem so foreign to me, and I'm not sure how to apply them to the CRIC, and have I ever mentioned how much I hate numbers? Because I do...unless they are Fibonacci numbers, which are just neat. And I am learning some neat Vedic math tricks - ditto on neatness.

What was I saying again? Oh, yeah. Not sure how I am doing, but I've passed the halfway mark, so that's good.

I had dinner with Leo and Esther last night, and they plied me with wine and baked brie with red peppper jelly on crackers. I could have eaten the entire wheel of brie myself, it was so good. It's good to be classy.

Now for some sleep. Let us hope the person who woke me at 4:30 this morning with a telephone call that was meant for the girl in the next room doesn't call again. I'm practically incoherent with exhaustion as it is.

Back to School

So, I'm heading out to Whitehorse in a couple of hours. I'm wavering between excitement and anxiety. (That is an almost daily waver, by the way.)

I'm taking a course on Financial Management in Cultural Organizations, which is supposed to help me with the parts of my job that are related to the Interpretive Centre. All I know is, there are a bunch of readings to be read, and some prepatory assignments to be handed in, and I need to get them finished before I leave town so I can print them out when I stop at the office. (Again. I swear, by the time I go I will have spent just as much time in the office this weekend as I did on Friday.)

So, exciting, right? Yeah, totally...except for my feelings of panic re: all the other stuff I need to be doing at the moment, which I won't be doing when I'm in WH. Or worse, that I'll be trying to do while I'm in WH, while simulatneously trying to pass my course.

In the middle of all this anxcitement (excienty? there isn't a really good mashup word yet), there had better be some shrimp sushi, is all I'm saying.

Side Effects

One of the unforeseen side effects of my almost-four years in Japan is a tendency to care a bit too much about What Other People Think of Me.

I'm not saying that I want to live in a world where I stop caring completely about WOPTOM (handy acronyms! Woohoo!), but I would like to Stop Caring What Other People Think of Me (SCWOPTOM) so much.

For instance - last night, I had a very vivid dream where I went back to the Gakuen to teach again, and spent the whole time wearing long-sleeved turtleneck shirts and socks so that none of my tattoos would be visible. I woke up exhausted from the effort of disguising myself.

That's just a minor example. I can't really discuss any of the others, the Real Time examples, because they all involve Real Time situations that are best left out of this blog.

...

I got derailed mid-thought, and don't remember where I was going with this.

Do you have any suggestions on how to SCWOPTOM?

If...

If I can get the person I am inviting to the Festival to actually come to the Festival...I will make him a quilt like the one I gave to the Youth Group.

If Person 1 can't come...I will move on to Person 2.

If Person 2 can't come...I will have a bit of a sulk and cry, and then I will pick myself up, dust myself off, and figure something else out.

Because I'm just that hardcore. I'm just that punk. Take that, naysayers.

Where have I been?

Quilting.

I spent the last week rushing through a project with a very tight deadline. Self-imposed project/deadline, for sure, but still...

You see, the Youth Group here in Faro is going to Ottawa over March Break to attend a conference (either TYPS or BYTE, I can't remember - too many acronyms!), and they have been doing a lot of fundraising. They had a pancake breakfast on Saturday, and a skate-a-thon that same morning. Based on the donations they had received from around town, they collectively had to skate 1,157 laps. I'm not sure if they made it, as I was only there for a fifteen minute cram pancakes down gullet break in my quilting.

At the community potluck that night, there was going to be a silent auction. A week before this, I had the brilliant idea to throw together a small lap-quilt/wall-hanging to offer as a donation. It was a fantastic idea...but it meant that I spent every waking hour working. Barely time to sleep, barely time to eat - I was a quilting machine.*

I finished the quilting portion of the project about an hour before the potluck, but I still had to attach the binding. I had to try the new-to-me technique of machine-binding both sides of the binding strip. Luckily, I did not mess it up the way I half expected I would. I finished binding it ten minutes before the potluck.

But I still had to wash it! And dry it! If I brought it in as it was, it would have looked awful, all covered with white marker and cat hair. So I wound up half an hour late to dinner, and not as many people got the chance to look at it. And I completely forgot to take any photos.

But Tina was the one who won it in the auction, and she is bringing it back to me so I can add a hanging sleeve to the back, so there will be photos in the near future. And hopefully this means a vacation from quilting until midnight every night ^_^


*Lord, I wish I had a quilting machine.

Heat Coma

My cats are flopped out on the floor like black and white pancakes. The hair at the base of my skull is sweaty and curling. Every time I move, it is a huge effort.

Woodstove + (me + cats) = True Love Forever ^_^

If anyone needs me, I'll be the girl in the heat coma on the couch.

In Which Our Heroine Lets Down the Internet

Hello, Internet.

It's been a while. I know, I know, I haven't exactly been keeping up my end of our bargain - namely, that you provide me with trivia about background extras on TV shows, information about funding services, and M*A*S*H quotes, and in return I give you more than a crummy little update saying that I'm not frozen. Sorry, Internet.

It's just that I don't think you want to hear about my struggle with the cycle of dirty/clean dishes (How do I create so many dishes when Kara cooks dinner for me 5 nights a week?), why I let my laundry pile up until I am wearing heavy wool socks with a tweed skirt, or how I haven't had anyone in to fix the upstairs toilet even though I've been in my current house since September. I want to be interesting, Internet. I know you understand.

Be honest, Internet - would you still respect me if I told you that I watched 2.5 seasons of NCIS in one weekend while quilting? That the only times I got off the couch were to feed the woodstove or get another cup of tea? Because I've done that. (Sometimes the DVDs are different, but you get the drift.)

I did do one interesting thing in the last little while, though. I did an interview for Sharing Travel Experiences. Poor Andy - he sent me the questions in December, and it took me just short of forever to get them back to him. You know how I get, with the need for everything to be just so. The questions were easily answered, but I got hung up on the photos, and the longer I debated about the photos, the more embarrassed I was at how long it was taking. It was like a shame spiral.

But it's done, it's up, and I've had a number of people tell me they liked it, so I'm happy. And I was ordered by someone who is in the office frequently to get busy and update my blog, so this one's for you, Harold ^_^

Update

I have not frozen and become a popsicle in this latest cold snap. I've just been hellaciously busy. I'm hoping a bit of the pressure will be off on the weekend, but you never know.

My stomach is acting up, though, so I'm going to crank up the woodstove and maybe work from home tomorrow.

The Wrong Pants

I'm at a kind of awkward stage in my body at the moment. My old jeans are too big. Not too too big, but stretched and saggy. When I bought new jeans, I bought a size down, because I was determined not to buy the same size and have them do the stretched and baggy thing to me immediately.

Unfortunately, the size down are just a touch snug.

Okay, that's not true. They're fine in the legs and butt (although maybe a bit short, this style didn't have the long option that my old style did), but there is some severe muffin-top action happening up top. Severe enough that I'm glad to be alone in the office today as I attempt to stretch the waist out a bit.

It's just putting me in a really bad mood. I know I'm not thin. I'm pretty sure my body was not designed to be thin. I've got broad hips and shoulders, and that's okay. I'm more concerned with getting healthy than I am with getting *thin* - but, damn these pants are making me unhappy today.

I guess I'll be making the switch to my stretched and saggy pants at lunch.

The Procrastinatrix Strikes Again

So, I've got this proposal that is due tomorrow. Yeah, tomorrow.

Until last week, the deadline wasn't a problem, because we weren't applying for funding. The application we put in last year was cancelled, and I figured why apply for the same thing that we will just end up cancelling again?

But last week, I figured out a different position we could apply for, through a slightly different agency, and BOOM! A proposal needed working on, STAT.

But I was away for a good portion of last week, and put off looking at the file, because I am a moron like that. That's what comes of being "smart" in high school. Not the kind of smart that studied and had good work ethics and stuff...no, I mean the kind of smart that could bullshit an English essay the day before it was due, having only skimmed the source material. The kind of smart that crammed like crazy the night before a test and always got good marks.

I mean, I should know better by now. I got my ass handed to me in university - I didn't have the foundation needed to actually study, to plan ahead and work on things in advance. Plus, I was studying Classics, Queen's very own joke-major. I think I wrote 3 essays in first year, and 2 in my final year. That's it. I'm lucky I graduated.

The thing with proposals is - you need to be good at talking things up. You need to sell the proposal without exaggerating too much. And I am not great at sales. (Ask Dianne for many examples during my time at Lindor.)

What it boils down to is this: we need someone to come and help us out. They can probably stay in my basement. Give us money.


Okay, break time is over. Back to writing.

Firewood!

Dan is in the garage now, tossing my cord of firewood from the back of his trailer. I wasn't expecting him so early, and was in my pjs with bedhead. No worries, though, because I have firewood again!

Once he's done, I will don warmer socks and perhaps my puffy vest, and I will commence Stackstravaganza, the cousin of Chopstravaganza. I'm anticipating lovely wood heat later today, and perhaps several cups of hot chocolate.

He says he will be getting me another cord later, possibly this week, which means that everything I have now will need to be stacked well. I'll try to take as much downstairs as possible, too. But there is some snow on the logs, and I don't really want it all melting downstairs.

Hurray, hurray!

Updates from the Department of Yukon Life Lessons

3. Your garage is lower than your driveway, so make sure the snow is cleared down to the gravel.

My firewood guy is coming to drop off more wood today, and I really wanted him to just drop it in the garage so I could stack it indoors. I have to borrow a wheelbarrow, otherwise, and it is a great pain.

Unfortunately, I discovered that I can only open the garage doors a crack on either side, because there is a ... I don't know what to call it. A depression? An incline? Whatever it is called, I can't get the doors open because of the snow, even though I have cleared it as much as my crummy plastic shovel will allow. The snow that fell is kind of packed down, and it is going to take a lot of work to clear it. So even if Dan drops the firewood on the lawn, getting it into the garage is going to be a pain.

Too bad I have to go back to work in half an hour. This is going to take a while.

Oh, hey, I do have news

I'm going to be in WH for a few days next week!

There's a Gas Tax workshop on the 27th, and because Faro is so far away, they're springing for a hotel for two nights instead of one. I'll be driving in on Wednesday and coming home on Friday. I've already been assigned a number of work-related errands (office supplies, etc.) and I've arranged to drop my truck off at the dealership for servicing.

I'm pretty excited about the workshop, to be honest. My job involves more funding applications than I was prepared for, and Gas Tax is a big one. Anything I can do to advance my knowledge so that I'm not constantly bugging our Community Advisor is a good thing. And I figure that some of that knowledge will translate to other proposals, right?

Okay, you got me. I'm super excited to go to the quilt store, too ^_^

Stealin'...

Just thinking about starting a work-blog is leaching energy away from this one.

I get anxious, thinking about the kind of writing I would be doing, so that I can't do any writing at all.

Well, that and I caught the plague last week.

Lessons I have learned

1. Next year, buy at least 3 cords of firewood. Granted, if I had stayed with my teeny tiny woodstove, the cord I bought probably would have been sufficient, as I wouldn't be throwing whole logs in it. I also wouldn't be running it non-stop, as it was really small. Once the wood is gone, it's back to the furnace, which I hate.

2. Obtain a wheelbarrow. I borrowed an absentee-neighbour's to move my cord into the garage for stacking, but when I returned it, his tenant thought I had stolen it. I have a bunch of smaller wood stacked outside that was given to me by my across-the-street neighbours - it's now covered in snow, and I am wheelbarrow-less. Moving that stuff into the garage is going to be a pain.


That's all I've got for this morning. The part of me that wants to keep the woodstove running all winter long is competing with the part of me that has an upset stomach and just wants to lie on the sofa all day.

Racing brain

My thoughts alternate between work-related things I can't write about, navel-gazing I don't want to share, and the crazy desire I have to buy a quilting machine.

Sigh.

And so I'm back...from outer cyber-space

So, I took a little vacation from the internets. It wasn't really planned, but it was refreshing nonetheless. I went back to Ontario for almost three weeks, and some good times were had.

But now I'm back in Faro, and it's time to get 2011 rolling. Obviously, the past two days didn't count (I spent the majority of both of them in bed, watching Fringe). They were like a warm-up ^_^

I don't have a big list of goals for the coming year or a list of resolutions. I have ideas for the future, but nothing concrete. The only thing I am sure of is that I am going to conquer Candida Albicans this year and start feeling better. I ate a lot of stuff that I shouldn't have eaten over Christmas, and the new year is going to be a lot cleaner.

Of course, having said that, I am waiting until next week to start on the cleanse that Kara ordered for me, because the Wents are going out of town for a week and I have to make my own dinners. Me + making dinner = recipe for disaster. (This is not to put any guilt on you, Kara - I promise, there will be no pizza this week ^_^)

Today will include a lot of cleaning, possibly assembling my new bookshelf, and hopefully sitting down in the afternoon with a movie and Hunter's quilt. I'd like to get that finished before I settle in to work on the Crazy Cowboy quilt for my sister.

w00t w00t1